Day 12: motive talk
Jan. 6th, 2018 09:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
flamingprick[Okay no the fish aren't what's bothering him. What's bothering him is something else entirely.]
You saw the thing we got today, right?
You saw the thing we got today, right?
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Okumura Rin
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Date: 2018-01-08 04:08 am (UTC)It does help that Ichigo is there, though. It feels better than crying alone, at least.]
I'm sorry.
[That comes after a good minute or two, when he's finally able to talk again.]
You shouldn't have to- It's not fair, you know?
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Date: 2018-01-08 06:27 am (UTC)But he shakes his head firmly when Rin speaks, his gaze set as he pulls away slightly to look at him straight in the face.]
No, I - I want to. Because...I know what it's like to lose control of yourself.
[He's silent for a moment, gathering his thoughts.]
...I told you about hollows before, right? I have one. And for the longest time, I wasn't able to control him all the way. He'd get in my way, making me freeze up in battle...
...But the worst part was when I fought Ulquiorra, and got a hole blasted through my chest. I remember falling, my vision blurring, and Inoue yelling for me.
...And when I woke up, I found my sword buried in Ishida's stomach, and Ulquiorra standing up with thin limbs he was regenerating.
[He closes his eye, remembering the moment.]
...I...seeing my sword buried in my friend's body, I - it's the worst feeling in the world. That you could hurt the people you care about, that it's your fault that they're bleeding, I -
[He takes in a breath, shaking his head again.]
I...I don't want you to go through that. So that's why...I'll stop you, If it ever comes to that.
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Date: 2018-01-08 06:58 am (UTC)Still, he does feel bad that Ichigo had to go through that. Rin would rather be alone than have his friends suffer.
But at the end of it, he nods.]
Yeah, I...I know what it's like, I wouldn't be afraid of it if it hadn't happened before.
[That's a story for another day though. He wouldn't be able to make it through that right now.]
I wish you didn't know what it was like, but not being alone in the 'well this is a shitty thing that can happen' club is nice, I guess.
...
Is it a risk for you too? That that'll happen to you here, I mean.
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Date: 2018-01-09 10:49 pm (UTC)No - I learned to control and accept him as a part of me, after I got the whole story from my dad. He'd been with me since I was born - him and the other part of Zangetsu. Even if he came out here, he probably wouldn't hurt anyone like that again.
[At least he goddamn hopes so.]
...If we get out of here, I want to help you learn how to control it. Your demon side, I mean - it might be easier if you've got someone with you who's gone through the same thing, right?
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Date: 2018-01-10 05:24 am (UTC)It would be nice, I guess. I mean, I've been figuring stuff out on my own so far, since there's a seal on most of my powers right now and that protects me from the worst of it. But there's not really anyone else to teach this stuff to me, you know? Yukio's as much in the dark about all of this as I am, and Izumo- she's a friend from home- her case is way different from what's up with me. Having someone to learn stuff from, that would speed it all up.
[But the way he talks about it, it's like...well, he DOES want it to happen, and he hopes it can. But at the same time, he knows realistically that it won't.]
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Date: 2018-01-10 05:25 pm (UTC)If they talk about the future, then they have hope.]
Right - I was kind of thrown in the deep end. I had to learn to control my hollow, or get devoured by him as he took control, so I'm not so sure the methods that worked for me will work for you, but... When you lose control over your demon side, do you not have any memory of what you did during it?
[Because with the way Rin was talking before, well..]