Okumura Rin

[DID SOMEONE SAY SHONEN IDIOT

Because Ichigo's coming down the stairs after being at the shrine, clearly sweating and breathing heavily as he practically clutches the wall, Rin approaching from his blind side.

YUP.]

From:

[okay Akira can't talk because he plans on climbing the stairs to the shrine later to burn some stuff himself, B U T]

[he's near the bottom of the first floor when he sees both Ichigo and Rin, and he's hobbling forward to the base of the stairwell pretty quickly]

-- Ichigo, what the heck!

From:

[Rin just. Looks to Ichigo.

Then to Akira.

Then back and forth a couple more times.]

...So I gotta carry both of your asses back to the infirmary. Got it.

[Ichigo you're closest, he's gonna pick you up first if he can manage it without Ichigo getting too squirmy. He's strong enough to do it too.]

From:

[SHIT HE DIDN'T PLAN THIS

He sees Akira first (what with Akira being in front of him) and he looks apologetic, opening his mouth -

And then Rin says something and picks him up and you bet your ass he's flailing!!]

Wh-What the hell?! Put me DOWN!

From:

[. . .!]

[WELP OKAY]

[Rin's got Ichigo, so Akira's just. going to turn on his heel and hobble off towards the infirmary now. CAN'T CATCH HIM, COPPER]

From:

[Since Akira is headed in the right direction, Rin won't scoop him up too. But he is following, trying to hold a flailing Ichigo and keep him from falling.]

Calm down you shithead, if you actually used that huge brain of yours for once then I wouldn't have to do this!

And don't get any ideas either, Akira. I'm watching you too.

From:

[OH MY GOD HE'S BEING CARRIED LIKE HOW HE CARRIED RUKIA ONCE

WHY THIS

One flail really tugs at his wounds, and he gives a grunt of pain and lies still, but glares up at Rin anyway.]

Screw you! I got up there just fine, I could - gh - get down as well! You don't need to carry me like a soccerball, you asshole!

[Also, yelling down the hall]

AND THANKS FOR LEAVING ME, YOU TRAITOROUS BOYFRIEND!

Edited Date: 2018-01-13 03:26 am (UTC)

From:

[shouting from over his shoulder]

HE'S JUST DOING WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE IF I WERE HIM! I'M ALMOST A LITTLE JEALOUS I COULDN'T HAVE BEEN THE ONE TO SWEEP YOU OFF YOUR FEET!

[stilllll hobbling]

From:

[Oh hey that's new information for him!]

I dunno if I should be offended or not that you two didn't tell me. Way to be good friends, losers.

[He says this while snickering. As their friend, it is his job to be a True Bro and give them shit about them dating.]

I found a book in Dazai's room, by the way. Let's read it when we get to the infirmary. Then you can princess-hold your strawberry-boyfriend all you want.

From:

[You know what

For a long moment he's tempted to just pull a Nel and punch Rin in the ~~duck~~ dick, but he changes his mind and just angrily punches Rin's side instead.]

Don't call me strawberry, you ass!

[But then what Rin said filters through him, and he blinks.]

....Wait. A book in -

[Oh shit, he remembers.]

...That's the book about him and his world.

From:

[oh he had a sly reply to that, but the part about the book is getting him to stop in his tracks]

Ah--

That's. . . the one he told us to read when he died.

From:

Probably, it was easy to find. I didn't try reading it yet though, I figured it'd be better to find you two first.

[SO TO THE INFIRMARY? Rin will put Ichigo on his bed before offering the book for everyone to look at.]

From:

[HE HATES THIS FUCKING BED but he'll lie on it, because the book is obviously more important - and he's already reaching out for it.]

I'll read it.

From:

[Akira takes a seat in a wheelchair and props up his injured leg against the bed (he's supposed to be keeping it elevated, but eh)]

Go for it, Ichigo.

[sitting nearby for MORAL SUPPORT, j-just in case]

From:

cw_suicide

[there is a note! it was just kind of folded unevenly and shoved between the pages in an almost hasty fashion.

the handwriting also appears to be in a sharp, slanting print that implies a certain kind of urgency to it.]

From:

[WELL THAT'S. A thing.

He'll just take it out and unfold it, noting the handwriting as he reads it.

What's on the note?]

From:

cw_suicide

As I write this, you're no doubt alarmed and panicked by the message that was just posted. But none of you should feel any blame for this. It's simply how I am. I would apologize for it, but in reality, I'm not that sorry--or, rather, I'm sorry I didn't do enough to dissuade all of you from insisting on staying so close in spite of knowing the kind of person I am. Explaining these things is difficult for me--I never seem to manage it correctly. So, in the end, it's my failing after all. It's fine if you hate me for it. I'll accept that. I was going to do separate letters but then I realized that, for the most part, you guys would just end up telling each other the whole thing in private. Especially Ichigo-kun and Akira-kun. Because you're sappy and cute like that--by the way, congrats! Of course the reason you were both so grossly injured was because one tried to save the other from something stupid. How romantic! That aside, I know this all must come across as very sudden for you, but unfortunately, the case is simply that it's not sudden at all. From the very first day, I knew I was going to die in this place. Whether it would be by my own hand or someone else's--I was hoping for the former the whole while. It's a very frightening thing to think about how one will die and discovering that there's the possibility that it will be a very terribly painful, lonely thing by someone else's design. That's just a fact I've known with hideous clarity for all of my life. It's funny, though, because I was accurately told from the first day that the chances of me succeeding at that were impossible if it was purposeful. So, that's how I knew, essentially, that it was going to end poorly. And it's not as though I didn't make attempts. By ignoring the fact that my body was detoxing and saying nothing until others noticed. Purposefully getting myself intoxicated with people mostly at random (for the record, a number of people have been more generous with their alcohol than you have). I can't argue that they weren't attempts at sabotaging myself--inviting a chance for an "accident" to occur. Of course, this probably fits under the "purposeful" clause and that's why nothing did happen. And yet "accidents" still befell people around me. It's really unfair how life goes sometimes. But enough of that. I want you to be focusing on what lies ahead. Not on perceived mistakes of the past. If the messages we see from Niles-san's account are truly from him, then I'll hardly be completely gone. And I'll try my best to circumvent the rules in place to prevent helping you guys too much. One post a day will be tricky, but that still gives you guys a chance. I'll leave this book with you. Do what you will with it. Not that I have any idea what you would do with it, but I will warn you: it isn't a pleasant read. Certainly, it's quite a tragedy, now that it's ended.

From:

[The first thing Akira and Rin will see is Ichigo going paler than they've both ever seen him before, his hand shaking so hard that the paper rattles.

Yet despite that, he manages to read it out loud, his voice shaking - and by the end of it, it's clear he's crying again, choking out the words like they're caught in his throat.

When he finishes, he jut lowers his head, entire body shaking with grief.

He's failed two people, now.

How many more before all of this ends will he eventually let slip through his grasp?]

From:

[jesus christ]

[none of this is surprising, really. it's everything Akira had picked up on between the lines. it's exactly what Akira expected Dazai to do after their conversation, and he even told Ichigo as such. but still. . . hearing that he had planned it all along, hearing confirmation of Akira's concerns from Dazai's own mouth? that takes the wind right out of him]

[he drops his hand on Ichigo's knee the entire time he reads, and when the letter is finished, Akira's shoulders are hunched so tightly that it hurts the wound still carved in his back. it hurts, but he doesn't care]

Damn it. . .! Dazai, you stupid--

[he jerks back, just long enough to bring his fist down against the arm of the wheelchair, knuckles white]

From:

[. . . and then he reaches out, slides am arm around Ichigo's shoulder, and just. leans against him. for a long, quiet minute]

From:

[Unlike the other two, Rin isn't accepting this. No, he's shaking his head in disbelief, too stunned to cry yet.]

No...no, he couldn't have written that! We talked! He promised me he wouldn't do it!

From:

[Sorry, Ichigo is way too lost in his own grief to even hear that, just leaning back on Akira while tears trail down his face.

Akira'll have to realize what Rin said, because for now? Ichigo can't.]

From:

[it's okay, Akira's got this. his grip on Ichigo is as tight as he can make it with their combined injuries, and he isn't about to let go]

[he will tilt his head towards Rin though, voice tight, expression as neutral as he can make it. his eyes, however, flicker with a certain spark of anger and upset, for as calm as he's trying to be]

Did you talk to Dazai after Graham posted that message to Recyclr? It sounds like he wrote this message afterwards, like. . . whatever he had planned wasn't solidified until Graham made him the easiest target in the school.

Edited Date: 2018-01-13 04:51 am (UTC)

From:

Yeah, when I saw Will's message I went looking for Dazai. After I found him we talked for a while. At first it did sound like he was gonna kill himself, but...

[He has to stop there for a second, so he can remember the exact words Dazai said.]

He...he said he did some bad shit in the past. And I could tell that he regretted it. But he was trying to make up for it! The whole suicidal thing was because he felt bad about the past, but he was trying to be a better person. And I told him I'd help him, if that's what he needed.

He wasn't going to kill himself. He was trying to change!

From:

[Ichigo is beginning to wind down, having cried a lot earlier and yesterday. He's still vaguely cognizant of what Rin's saying - but he just stares down at the note in his hand, wiping his eye with the other and wincing as saline flows into his facial wounds and makes them sting.]

He could've...lied.

[His tone is quiet, but empty - horribly so.]

From:

[somehow, Akira manages to keep his own emotions in check. perhaps because he was braced for Dazai dying. perhaps it was because he had been able to prepare for it mentally]

. . . this could've been his way of trying to be a better person. Of trying to change.

Do you know what he told me before Graham's message hit the network? Do you know. . . what he said, that made me think he was going to die last night?

He said that some people believed that those who wanted to die should be the ones to die here, so that those who wanted to live could continue to live.

And that he believed they were right.

[and so. . . Dazai made an agreement with someone. that person would kill him, and that would take care of the murder of the night, while simultaneously protecting those who wanted to live. those like. . . Rin, Ichigo, and even Akira himself]

From:

He...he told me the same thing too. That someone had to die, so it might as well be someone who wanted to die. That he was a monster, that it was wrong of me to worry about him because I'd only be disappointed in him.

['Monster'. There's that word that's been haunting Rin for a while now.]

I couldn't just leave him hanging like that, not after he told me something so personal. So I told him that I would watch out for his wellbeing instead, if he couldn't do it himself. Because I want to die as 'me', and that's something I would do until I couldn't do it anymore.

[He...hasn't told Akira about the threat the raccoons made against him, but oh well.]

It made him pretty mad, but he accepted that in the end.

There's no way Dazai would have killed himself, not after we had talked. Because he knew I was looking out for him then, and I would've stopped any attempt.

[WELL...he would have tried to, but the raccoons probably could have interfered.]

From:

[Ichigo has reached the point of emotional numbness, and it shows - his eye flicks back from Akira to Rin as they speak, but he doesn't say anything.

He's tired. He's so, so tired, and he just lets out a sigh before flipping back to the first page of the book, scanning over the lines.

He doesn't want to think about this anymore - he just wants to read the last thing Dazai left them - he wants to try and understand Dazai's heart itself, instead of arguing over how he died.]

From:

He didn't kill himself, Rin.

[he's keeping his voice soft, but firm. exhaustion weighs heavily on his shoulders, even as he tries to keep himself upright and strong. when Ichigo moves, so does he, although he continues to lean against his shoulder. just to let him know that he's still there]

He made a pact with someone and had them do it for him.

[. . . the pieces are clicking together]

And then that person took their own life afterwards.

From:

Well maybe he made that pact BEFORE we talked!

[Not that it changes the outcome any, but.]

And- and maybe he didn't get a chance to tell the person not to do it! Even if he meant to die at first, that doesn't mean he meant to die later!

From:

[He flinches at Akira's theory - the thought of that is enough to shake him, however temporarily, out of his numb state - but just reads silently, pouring over the book.

What does he find in it?]

From:

Rin.

[his eyes slip shut, hand clenching into a fist at Ichigo's side]

Rin, I know it hurts, and I know it sucks, and I know it's stupid-- and I know Dazai is stupid, because even now I bet he wouldn't be able to understand why the hell we're all so upset with him.

But we need to consider that a possibility.

From:

Well if he doesn't understand, then I'll just punch him until he does when I eventually get over there!

[He's. Not going to admit Akira has a point, because he's mad and emotional and really bad about admitting he's wrong when he's mad and emotional.]

From:

When you get over there? Don't say that like you plan on dying, too!

[oh no now Akira's getting mad. it isn't Rin's fault, honestly. he's tired and frustrated and upset and it's getting awfully hard to keep himself in check]

From:

[WHOOPS the yelling is going to make Rin yell more, because even if Akira doesn't mean it Rin tends to take stuff personally.]

Not on purpose, no! I'm gonna fight it as long as I can! But even I can't-

[...no, he probably shouldn't talk about that right now. He's upset enough as it is, he doesn't need to think about the threat the raccoons issued to him.]

I know this might be hard for you to believe, but I'm not stupid. We still got three more 'killing nights' to survive, and they've already told us what's gonna happen if nobody kills.

From:

SHUT UP!

[Ichigo's yell nearly rattles the walls, as he clutches Dazai's book to his chest.

He's read it all. He's come to understand, in that small, horrible way, Dazai's heart - even if the way he learned is also small and insignificant, what with this book not being entirely about him -

- even trying to minimize his importance, even after death.

He knows. He knows now, and he feels like Akira is right - so he instantly stands, slipping out of Akira's arm and standing before either of them can stop him, moving out of the infirmary at a rate that doesn't seem possible from a severely injured man.

They have to know. Everyone has to know, and then...

...And then he can sleep.]

From:

[that's enough to get Akira to shut up. he jerks back, surprised, ignoring the way the movement pulls at his wounds]

Ichi--

[and then he's shooting a worried look towards Rin, before he scrambles to his own feet and hobbles after him]

Ichigo, wait!

From: